With over two decades of clinical experience, psychotherapist and author Elliott Connie, LPC has dedicated his career to helping people transform their lives by changing the way they ask questions. A leading voice in Solution Focused Brief Therapy (SFBT), Elliott’s approach shifts the focus from problems to possibilities, guiding individuals to reconnect with their inner strengths and envision a better future.
In his latest book, Change Your Questions, Change Your Future (Hay House), he offers a practical, hopeful roadmap for overcoming challenges through purposeful, empowering questions — the kind that open new doors instead of dwelling on what’s broken. Beloved by readers and praised by voices like Tiffany Haddish, Elliott’s work blends clinical expertise with deep human insight, reminding us that resilience isn’t built by focusing on pain, but by pursuing the life we truly want.
We sat down with Elliott to explore the principles behind SFBT, the power of imagination in healing, and why asking the right questions can be the first step toward rewriting your story.
CC: You often emphasize that people already have the resources they need within them. How do you help someone reconnect with those inner strengths, especially when they feel overwhelmed by pain or self-doubt?
Elliott: By asking them to notice them. Most people spend all of their time focusing on their problems and flaws while ignoring the best of themselves. By focusing on resources you become more aware and they have a bigger impact. Pain only grows when we pay too much attention to it. We do this because we think that is the only way to overcome it. However, the truth is the best way to overcome pain is to pay attention to your resources and hoped for future. Once you do this your life will immediately shift away from the pain and towards that hoped for future.
CC: You talk about the power of asking better questions. What’s one simple question people can start asking themselves today to shift their mindset?
Elliott: What do I really want? Most people never ask themselves this question, which is tragic because this truly is the single most important question we could ever ask. Instead we ask ourselves “what do I not want”? We falsely think that if we figure out what it is that we don’t want then we will naturally have what we want. This of course is not true. Instead, we just find more of what we don’t want. The only way to get what you want is to ask yourself about exactly what you want then pursue it.
Most people never ask themselves what they really want — and that’s the most important question of all.
CC: In your experience, why do we default to focusing on what’s broken — and how can we start training our minds to focus on what’s working?
Elliott: We default to focusing on what’s broken because our brains are mostly designed to solve problems. The good news is that we can retrain our brains to focus on pursuing what is most desired instead of the problems. By focusing on pursuing what is desired you experience a drastic and immediate positive impact on a person’s mood and life experience. This highlights the true impact of questions.
CC: Imagination plays a central role in your work. Why is envisioning a better future so critical for healing, and why do so many people struggle with this part?
Elliott: A focus on what you envision and what you want makes a huge difference in someone’s life. However, people struggle with this because it’s not what we do naturally so thus makes most people feel uncomfortable. When we get older we forget the power of dream and imagination. This is very sad and needs to shift. We need to think as we did as kids, back when we used dreams to give us energy and motivation.
CC: How can we apply solution-focused principles in everyday conversations — whether that’s parenting, leadership, or even our closest relationships?
Elliott: By focusing your conversations towards what is desired and not the problem. Find more opportunities to praise and less criticism. In all areas of life a focus on positive language and praise would have a positive impact on that relationship. Positive words are the most underutilized weapon against problems. I hope my work changes this.
CC: You’ve worked with individuals navigating trauma and long-term emotional wounds. Why is Solution-Focused Brief Therapy such a powerful fit for these situations?
Elliott: Because it bypasses the trauma and focuses on the desired changes the person wants to achieve. Trauma isn’t actually the problem, the real problem is what trauma does to a person’s brain and how they view their future. What the Solution Focused Approach does is restore a person’s ability to think about their futures in a positive way. Once someone is able to do this, then the trauma no longer controls their future and they get to be the person they were always meant to be.
Trauma isn’t actually the problem — it’s how it changes your view of the future.
CC: You’ve helped countless people transform their stories. Is there one client journey that still sticks with you as a reminder of what’s possible?
Elliott: Yes, there are several. One such client was a family where the mother was diagnosed with a few months to live. I worked with that family to help the mother continue to raise her two children even after her death. Those sessions stick with me and what happened with them still moves me to tears.
CC: For someone who feels completely stuck — who can’t even imagine a way forward — what’s the very first step they can take?
Elliott: The first step would be in recognizing and admitting that they are stuck. Next, make a change, any change, and you will experience being unstuck. You have to pay attention to the signs. By making any change you are disrupting the system that has led to the feelings of stuckness and even a small change will free a person from being stuck.
Even a small change can free a person from being stuck.
CC: After 20+ years practicing SFBT, how has your understanding of human resilience evolved? Were there moments that surprised even you?
Elliott: I believe anyone can achieve anything and overcome anything. I didn’t recognize that in the beginning but after seeing what I have seen take place in my office I am now completely convinced that it’s true. I am not sure when the shift happened, but I am now fully and completely convinced that anyone can overcome anything. I wish more people knew this. If they did then they would take on their problems with a greater sense of confidence.
CC: What’s your personal practice for staying grounded and aligned with your own purpose while doing this deep work?
Elliott: I stay connected to what I want to achieve in my life and work. I constantly reflect on who I am becoming and how far I have come from where my life started. I am never out of touch with my purpose and I use that to guide every single decision in my life. For me, this is the key to everything in my life.